Monday, December 29, 2008

is it really going to happen this time???

See that there - that BFP next to my name? know what that means? That means that i did a pregnancy test and that i got a big fat positive.

I barely told anyone about my positive pregnancy test, so over the last 8 weeks ive spent alot of time hanging out at pregnancy forums. Ive copied all my posts there into this post so everyone can catch up on whats been going on since i peed on a stick.

So this is the catch up - from the beginning of november to today. Some may be a little hard to follow as the first few posts are in the trying to conceive threads, and then i double up as i move over to the pregnancy threads.

oh and to decode the abbreviations, here is a lil guide to help you out.
bfp - big fat positive
utd - up the duff
dh - dear husband
cd - cycle day
dpo - days past ovulation
af - aunt flo
hpt's - home pregnancy test

27th oct

Had a great time at my lil bros wedding on sat. was very glad to read what jaxi posted bout her doctor saying the baby wouldnt yet share the same blood in the two week wait. i hadnt planned on drinking much but there was a drama with their music which i took over because i didnt want him worry about it. Ended up so stressed i had a few wines. Kinda felt a bit guilty. My temp has gone back up this morning so happy bout that...am starting to imagine that every lil sign is a sign of being utd...cd24 today, 8dpo and beginning to want to test. Tho i know i wont before next week. hubby and i are going away with his soccer friends this weekend and i know he'll blab it to all of them if i am. And ill be bummed all weekend if im not.


31st oct.

hey girls, completely selfish post cos its so stinking hot and im starving for some dinner. i caved in and bought some hpt's today. im 13dpo tomorrow, my temp this morning was the highest on my chart, but im completely not feeling confident. Had all that af type cramping yesterday, but not much of it today. Apart from that, dont really feel like af is on its way..what do u guys think? test?

1st nov.

um guys...i have just been sitting on my bathroom floor for 10 minutes staring at the stick in my lil pee cup...and the stick has a line. Like a bfp line! It took ages to come up and at first it was so faint that i thought i must have been looking thru it or something...but theres definately a line. Holy crap. AF is technically not due til monday so i guess ill retest in a few days to be sure. But a line is a line right? So now the worrying begins. I seem to get pregnant easily but getting a healthy, sticky one seems to be my downfall...I have a higher chance of having another molar and that scares the absolute crap out of me. But i should think positive right? This already seems a bit different to last time. Last time I absolutely knew 100% i was pregnant before af was even due. i had so many symptoms and weird stuff going on with my body. This time i feel completely normal...Sorry for going on. im just freakin out and needed to tell someone. My hubby is still asleep. Im not gonna tell him before we go off to go camping with his friends today, because he has the biggest mouth around them! He'd blab it for sure. Im coming back tonight and hes not back til tomorrow so i might go buy him some sort of baby present to tell him...

(posting in the pregnancy buddies thread)

Fertility Friend says i would be due 12th July. Not going to get excited yet though. until its confirmed that its not a molar, im just going to go with the flow and pray. But i am going to try to be positive! Power of positive thinking and all that!

2 nov.

i managed not to tell dh about the bfp yesterday tho i think hes suss cos he asked me if i was "broke" yet (meaning did af show up) and when i said no, he said "well doesnt that mean your late?". I was so glad he asked in that way cos it meant i could truthfully say, nope not late until monday. lol i wouldnt have been able to lie to him if he had actually asked if i was utd. going out to buy him a present today. Still planning on testing again on monday.

3 nov.

So we went camping on sat (well i just went for the day, dh stayed sat nite while i came home- i dont do the outdoors too well lol) and i managed to keep my lil secret all to myself. THought dh was suss cos he asked me if i was "broke yet" (meaning did af show up yet) and when i said no, he said well doesnt that mean your late? i was so greatfull that he didnt actually ask if i was utd, cos i couldnt have actually lied to him. I just told him that i wasnt late until today.So when i got home i ran out to the shops and bought him a little tiny blue jumpsuit and a tiny lil pink one. I got a congratulations card and wrote on the inside "congratulations dad to be - you'll be needing one of these around july 12, 2009. Love from the stork" and i stuck the positive test to it as well. haha im corny i know. Was so funny, when he got home the present was sitting on the table and he goes "whats that?" i played dumb and said it was on the front step when i got home. I said i thought it was a late wedding present but it had his name on it, so i waited for him to get home to open. Haha he fell for it bad. lol. I think he was in shock when he opened cos he didnt say anything. I had to actually say his name and he goes "are u pregnant?" (and i was like well duh lol). And then i just got the lil smile and the big hug.


oh and i didnt test again this morning. i slept in and didnt have time. But my temp is higher again, no sign of af showing up, so i think im pretty safe. Will definately do it in the morning.

4 nov.

Well i went to do my 2nd hpt this morning. Was filling up my lil pee cup, like the directions say to. then i realised that the stupid cup had a crack in it, and of course, the entire contents ended up all over my hand and up my arm. Dh thought it was hilarious. So i still havent gotten to do my second test cos now ive run out of tests! I think im going to go to the doctor on friday and just get a blood test and be done with it. i cant be bothered with the hassel of another hpt in between. My temp was higher again this morning, so im happy with that.

(posting now in the pregnancy buddies thread)


I have only told my good mate Paul that im utd. He knows all my secrets - i swear boys are better than girls at keeping a secret! Last year, we both had the threat of cancer hanging over our heads at the same time, so its made us closer. Plus he is the one that will hound me if i dont drink and then ill have to explain to everyone why im not drinking. Plus i need him to drink my drinks, so it looks like im still drinking. Im going to tell my two best girlfriends in a week or two for the same reason. Plus i know ill need their support if anything does go wrong. Im keeping it a secret from my family until at the very least an ultrasound confirms its not another molar. Tho we said we'd try to keep it a secret til christmas. I know they'll all be really worried, and i dont want that for them. Would rather just surprise them with a 12 week piccy

5 nov

im normally a 10dd anyway, but so far my only pregnancy symptom seems to be my boobs feel huge! dh is happy. me, not so much!

7 nov

Went to the doc today. Tried to do some blood tests but it was at 7am and i hadnt had breakfast yet and my veins werent great so going back either tomorrow or next sat. Doc gave me a referal for an u/s in two weeks. Ill probably have one every two weeks or so to be sure its not another molar. Scary. But so far, no symptoms of molar, so praying it stays that way. Morning sickness hasnt started yet, so hoping that stays away too.Ive had two friends announce their pregnant this week. Their both due a week or two ahead of me. I so badly want to say, "me too!" but im just too scared.

9 nov.
So we had my youngest brothers 18th last night. i have a huge ulcer on my tongue and its really causing me pain. cant eat, cant drink, cant talk. so i was pretty miserable when i got to my mums place last night. She took one look at me, bundled me into the car and said were going to the chemist to get u some pain relief. I was freaking out cos i dont want to tell her im pregnant, but i cant be taking medicines not knowing if their ok for the baby. So when we got there she said shed wait in the car, so i thought, beauty, i can ask the pharmacist what i can/cant take and she wont even know!. Problem is he took so long working out what was ok, that my mum came in looking for me! i frantically told my mum that i needed mints and could she go to the other end of the store to get me some? she looked at me weird cos i was so insistent on these damn mints lol. but she went, and i whispered to the pharmacist that she didnt know. He laughed and said ok..but u know what? then i realised he probably thought i was some knocked up teenager (i look young for 27 - and im really short!) that was too scared to tell my mum! lol how embarrassing.


so im 5 weeks today! So far, so good on the morning sickness front. If i get up too quick i feel queasy, so i just get up slowly and its ok. I had a few waves of nausea yesterday, but nothing to write home about. But it didnt kick in until 6 weeks last time, so i guess that will be the test this time.

i got thru a whole week without telling anyone. Im going to tell kate and tamara on saturday. After everyone completely scrutinising me at joels party yesterday for not drinking, me saying that im not in the mood next week is just not gonna cut it. Kate and Paul are gonna have to drink my drinks at kates bon jovi party next weekend. Just no other way around it.

nov10

So im all booked in for a scan on the 24th (2 weeks from today). soooo nervous. i have a feeling i will be a bawling mess by then. i just have such bad memories of the last scan i had last year. praying that it will be different this time! i hear you guys on wanting a few more symptoms..tho on the other hand im really happy not to have symptoms as long as all is ok! morning sickness sucks.

nov12

Im 5 wks 3days today and im having my first ultrasound at 7 weeks1day. My gp is being really good to me. I think he feels bad he didnt pick up on it last time(tho how could he- hes just a gp, and has only ever seen one case 15 years before- i totally never blamed him). I feel better about it this time. im still not confident im going to end up with a baby at the end of it all, but at this stage, i dont feel the same as i did with the molar. Early days tho.

nov13

it is hard not to panic. Ive been feeling really relaxed about all my aches/pains/cramps/twinges etc, but if they were really bad i know id panic. I feel like im probably always going to be worried tho so im really trying to relax a lil - u know, whatever will be, will be. I know everyone says it gets easier after 12 weeks but im such a worrier, i wont be happy til bub is here safe and sound. tho then, as my husband has already pointed out, ill worry about the baby's cough, or what that cry means etc etc. He knows im just a terrible worrier. He balances me out somewhat cos he is so laid back.

had a bit of ms the last few days. I worked a 14 hour shift (office work -so nothing strenuous-just a really long day) on Tuesday and felt like absolute crap by the end of it. Then felt off most of the day yesterday. Few waves of nausea today. Seems i dont feel so hot when i get really tired. Now that ive caught up on some sleep, i feel better.



nov15

im off to do my standard early preg bloodtests and pee in a cup this morning (tried last week but it was before breakfast and they didnt think they'd be able to get enough blood from my crappy veins).

We have a big party tonight that everybody is expecting me to drink at. We had a party last week where i just said i wasnt in the mood for drinking, but unfortunately, i know that excuse wont cut it 2 weeks in a row. Why did i have to get utd in party season?? Really makes it hard to hide it! lol So im telling my two best girlfriends today, so between them and my husband and my mate paul we should be able to make it look like im drinking. im gonna go get some non alcholic wine, so as long as one of the 4 fill up my glassit should be all good. i hope. alot of my family are coming to this party and i absolutely do not want them knowing. My sis in law jaime is already suss on me just cos i didnt drink last week! she litterally gave me the third degree.



nov16

my fake alcohol worked great! Once i told my girlfriend she got really crafty and washed out an old chardonay bottle and filled it up with my fake alcohol. haha i sat there all night and drank away. I made sure i only had a few glasses and spread them out, so when i got up to drive home, noone even questioned me. I feel like ive thrown a few people off the scent. I do want to murder my male friend that knows. The moron, got himself drunk and decided the party was a good time to tell me congratulations, and ask me about my blood tests etc etc. I gave him the filthiest look imaginable and told him (very quietly) to shut his damn mouth. He is not in my good books today, even tho no harm was done really. I ended up leaving early tho. It was so hot in my friends apartment, and apparently my morning sickness (night sickness!) does not like the heat - i truly thought i was gonna throw up. Felt much better once i got outside and got some water down. Gotta say, im loving not having a hangover this morning! not much nausea today either.



nov18

i decided to push my ultrasound back a week so ill be 8 weeks. just didnt want to take the risk that the baby might be too little for a heartbeat at 7 weeks. everything seems to be ok at the moment. When i had my molar i had brown spotting from 5.5 weeks - no sign of that at the moment, so that makes me a lil more confident. Plus im nowhere near as sick as i was last time. so fingers crossed.



nov19

im still feeling pretty decent at the moment. Nausea in waves but it comes and goes, and isnt overly bad when it is around. Definately bearable. Last time i was pregnant i was pretty much bed ridden, tho i did drag myself to work as much as i could. This time it seems to be much milder which i am ridiculously thankful for. i just hope it lasts! I am pretty tired tho, so trying to get lots of sleep. the nausea is worse when im tired. oh and i am so the opposite of you guys! im starving, all the time! Partly cos it helps with nausea but im really not struggling to eat. i was looking at my tummy today thinking, hmm maybe im starting to show a little..then realised i have really just been eating too much and have prob put on a kilo or two! lol



nov 20

well after me saying i was feeling good yesterday, today i felt like crap all day. Didnt ease up until about 4, where i got a break for about 3 hours but its back again now. sigh. im really looking forward to the weekend, sleep and relaxing.



nov22

after my crap day on thursday, i felt alot better yesterday. i did take a morning sickness tablet in the morning so not sure if that had anything to do with it. i dont know wether ive put on weight or if im bloated or what, but my jeans completely do not fit. i made the mistake of wearing them to work yesterday and spent the whole day with them undone (good thing i wore a long top!). even with the zip and button undone i was still uncomfortable.



nov26

feelin pretty decent most of the day. seems to get to about 3 or 4 in the arvo and then i start feeling really off until i get home and go to bed. cant really complain tho. i hope it stays like that! Getting quite alot of pains on the sides of my belly. Not sure if its uterus stretching pain or maybe gas/constipation sorta pains, but the pain is sharp but only for a second or two........anyone else getting this? Ive read its quite common, not really worried it could be a sign of an impending miscarriage cos the pain isnt crampy and its isnt low or in the middle........but would be nice to know im not the only one with it! My scan is on monday night........im flipping between being completely excited and completely terrified.



nov27

i cant wait to tell my mum. only a few more days until my scan...im completely terrified. im too scared to get excited, just incase theres no heartbeat. im being a pessimist i know, but i just dont want to get my hopes up too much. Its in the back of my mind, hey your going to have a baby in july, but i dont think about it much. Wont feel real until we see bub is ok on the ultrasound



i feel the urge to do another test as well. i just dont feel pregnant, despite the on off nausea. i dont really have many other symptoms, boobs are bigger, and im pretty bloated but i keep thinking - well thats probably because u never stop eating and you've put on weight!i need this scan to hurry up and confirm it for me so i can get excited and actually start feeling like theres gonna be a baby in july!



nov30

sent myself home early from work on thursday but more because id slept funny and my back was hurting. THat mixed in with the on off nausea was more than i could handle at work. i think i must feel better than i look tho...i really havent had much morning sickness to complain about. compared to some im really having an easy time of it. But when i went back to work even my managing director (who is male, not very observant) said that i had looked a bit green for the whole week! if he noticed then i must really look like crap!my close friend at work (who is also a long time family friend) asked me on friday if i was pregnant cos i didnt eat my lunch. couldnt lie to her. i actually am glad she knows. i see her so often that its ridiculous trying to keep that sort of secret from her.my first scan is tomorrow. so scared of getting bad news, tho i really have no reason to expect it to be bad...i think im going to be a basket case until i know that bubs has a heartbeat...

dec1
hey gang, i am a very happy girl tonight! my scan was great. i was in tears on the way over, but our sonographer (who was a guy) was really lovely. I was too scared to look at the screen until he said "hey, it all looks great" and i nearly kissed him i was so happy! we have a lil blob, with lil arm and leg buds and a heartbeat. Measuring 8weeks 4 days which im 90 percent certain is out by 3 days cos i was charting so iknow when i ovulated, but im happy to go by that for now. due july 9 by scan, july12 by me. im so so so happy. just cant stop smiling. so makes the feeling crappy and all the sh*t we went thru for the last year worth it!

(posting in another thread after someone had asked me how i went)

yep scan was tonight, and everything is fantastic! im so happy and relieved. bub is measuring 8wks4days which i think is a bit out - i was charting so i know when i ovulated, tho i know scans can be out by up to a week so not at all concerned. Am happy to run with the 8wks 4days cos that means im 12 weeks on xmas day! bub is such a cute lil blob with its lil arm and leg buds and tiny lil heart beat. finally feels real, and that all the sh*t weve gone thru in the last year is now worth it. i think i appreciate it more than i would have..know what i mean? so just gotta stay sticky for a few more weeks and get to that 12 week scan!

dec13
afm - not too much going on. feel mainly decent, most of the time. Except for the nights, where if i dont go to bed at 830 i start feeling really awful. i just always have this lingering, slightly sick feeling that gets a bit tiresome at times. Like last night i had a breakdown and bawled my eyes out to dh. was mainly a hormonal thing i think cos ive been on the verge of tears all week for absolutely no reason, but last night id just had enough of being tired and not feeling great and i just lost it. Started laughing while crying, cos it was so stupid, but i couldnt stop. Poor dh didnt know wether to laugh at me or not. so he just hugged me instead - and then took me out for dinner to cheer me up Have my best friends sons first birthday today so hoping the rain buggers off!

i joined a belly buddies group. Its good to be able to talk to other people at the same stage, especially as we havent told our families or friends yet (well apart from my mum and two or three really close friends who guessed). I have my 12 week scan on the 29th, but we'll tell our families on christmas day. now that ive seen the heartbeat i feel ok about doing that. We'll wait til after the 12 weeks scan to tell all our friends and my work.

dec20
I went back to yoga this week. id gotten busy with my recent wedding and then wasnt feeling up to it with morning sickness (that was really more afternoon sickness). Have been reminded how much better i feel when i do yoga regularly. I was so out of shape, but now that the morning sickness is beginnning to leave, im really going to get back into it. there is just so many benefits to yoga. i keep trying to convert all my friends and family but am yet to succeed!

dec 25
told all our family today. was a nice surprise for them. my sister nearly put me thru a glass cabinet she was so enthusiastic with her hug. she did quite alot of screaming too, which my brother caught on camera. completley classic!

everyone is happy. Jiras mum seems happy. She has declared she doesnt want to know if its a boy or girl, even if we do find out.

Told our aunts and uncles today as well. Everyone is happy. Mum is still being a bit cautious. Shes nervous about the scan on monday. so am i.

dec29
had my 12 week scan today. dont seem to have much luck with em.bub physically looks fine and has a good heartbeat and everything is where its supposed to be, but my nuchal translucency results werent great. the nt was measuring 2.4mm which is still within normal range but towards the high end which means a higher risk of down syndrome. i did my blood test today so they'll know more tomorrow when they get the results. the doctor thinks that because im only 27 and because the baby has well formed nasal bones (apparently downs babies dont always have formed nasal bones- this is one of the things they look for) that my blood tests should decrease the risk further. At the moment its a 1in 285 chance. Normal is about 1 in 900. So hopefully the blood test results will make the results better, tho there is a chance they could make them worse. If it makes them worse, then they would be looking at doing amniocentisis, tho ive already pretty much decided not to do that, if thats what it comes to. Im happy to take the one in 285 chance. Im having this bub no matter what, so it really doesnt matter to me what the results say. i wouldnt want to risk doing anything that could hurt it.Funny, cos i was only thinking about it last night, wondering what id do if they told me bub had downs. And last night, i thought i would consider a termination. But after seeing that gorgeous lil thing on the screen, sucking its fingers and seeing its lil heart beating, all thoughts of a termination went straight out of my mind. and hubby feels the same. This is our bub and we'll love it unconditionally. if it has downs syndrome, then so be it. we'll deal with that when it happens.

1 comment:

Kristine said...

OMG Lani!!!!! Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you and Jira!!!!!


{{{Lani}}}