Monday, June 05, 2006

My biggest fear

i am a worrier. its just how i am. so is my mum, so i blame it on a genetic fault! but i guess this means i have a lot of fears. But really they can pretty much all be sumarised into two catagories.

Losing people (or something) i love - i worry if my boyfriend is late coming home from work(sydney roads are terrible - he might have had a car accident!), i worry that the dog is too skinny, tired, has a cut or bump (the vet knows my boyfriend and my dog by name i make him take her that often!), i worry if the phone rings too late at night because surely the only reason someone would ring that late was if someone was hurt and in hospital!

My other fear is that people wont like me.......though i am really getting better with this one! I always try to be nice to people, and i dont see anything wrong with that, but sometimes i take it too far and other people take advantage of it. For example my boss at work. I really wanted her to like me and to be her friend because we worked quite closely. and it was fine for awhile. Until she started to constantly call me at home on my days off and in the evenings about work, and ask me to do 6 or 7 days a week because she knew i wouldnt say no because i didnt want her to be angry with me. It got to the point where id ring in sick and she'd make me feel so bad (by saying things like "well what am i going to do now Lani?") that i would come in to work even if i was on my death bed, just so i wouldnt be letting her down..........all of this i might have been able to handle if she had given me something in return.
Though i really should thank her in a way.......because its people like her that are helping me to be more assertive. Im still nice to people but i dont want to be their doormat anymore. By the way i quit that job a couple of weeks ago, felt pretty good!


Zephanee said...

I can totally understand the wanting to be liked thing. It wasn't until I got out of college that I learned to be assertive and not give into others' demands. I am glad you are learning that to and have gotten out of the situation you were in with your job! Good luck!

loonyhiker said...

I also went through that wanting to be liked stage. Everyone goes through it I believe. I have learned the hard way that people respect you more when you say no to them then when you kiss their butts. Now my hubby says I tell him no all the time! lol. Be careful about the worrying though. About 20 years ago I worried about everything and lost all my hair on my head due to stress and worrying. I thought I was dying and went for thousands of dollars of tests. Once I started exercising and learning relaxing techniques to get me out of the bad habit of worrying, my hair grew back. I still get bald spots again when I worry too much.

Tink said...

I am glad to see you being more assertive. I too, tend to do more than I should, not because I want people to like (I personally don't care if they do or not), but just because 9 times out of 10, I think I can do it better. Still I end up with the same result as you. Constantly being asked.

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