Monday, November 19, 2007

this sucks. i dont want to write this. i dont want to do this.

man, its kind of scary how quickly things can change. I just read the previous post that i wrote a week ago, and to be honest i wish i hadnt written anything, because now i have to write THIS post. ah man, i dont think this post is going to make much sense. my head is not in the best of places today, so for that im sorry.

i went for my 12 week ultrasound on Friday. Didnt go so well. The baby died at 8 weeks. They said id had a missed miscarriage, becauase i wasnt bleeding or cramping (well i had early on, but the first ultrasound ruled out a problem with the baby, and anyway it had stopped in the last few weeks) and i still had all my pregnancy symptoms (i was still throwing up the night before the scan). So i had this perfect little fetus with no heartbeat. Kind of broke my heart to see that on the ultrasound. Having alot of trouble looking at the scans they gave me.

They got me in on the emergency list for surgery on saturday which i really appreciated as i was kind of devastated by the thought that the baby had died 4 whole weeks ago and i had no idea. Procedure went really well, no complications and i was allowed to go home on saturday night.

Were sad but were trying to take positives from it. Theres no reason that it should happen again, its just one of those things. And there wasnt anything i could have done to prevent it. None of my internal workings are damaged and theres no reason we cant start trying again right away. We fell pregnant in our first month of trying this time, so at least we know were fertile. Im going to give myself a few months break from the morning sickness, enjoy christmas and then start trying again, probably in february.


Lisa Joy said...

I'm so sorry.
Big hugs

.: Kristine :. said...

Aw Lani,

I am so sorry! My first pregnancy was a miscarriage too. Sending big hugs and loves from Canada..

Lynn said...

I wish I was there to give you a big hug! I'm so sorry this happened,you are in my prayers.

Beth said...

I'm sending you lots and lots of ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS********DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** ****DIGI HUGS**** This is the first time I've been to your blog, and my heart just aches for you. My thoughts ans prayers will be with ya.... even though you're several continents away from where I am! And on a much much much lighter note..... I came here to say 'hi' since you commented on liking my little Stone Castle Alpha over on Kim B's blog. Just wanted to say 'thanks' and spread the 'luv' so to speak. You seem like a very upbeat and caring person.... thanks for sharing your great attitude with all of us on the web! :-)

Luvs, From Beth

Mel said...

Oh Lani, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I admire your courage, and the fact that you are trying to take positives from this awful experience.
Thinking of you

Kim B said...

LANI! Oh girl- Wish I was there too!- would give ya a big squeeze and then say EXACTLY what you just wrote in your post back at ya!
Hang in there girl- but with your attittude I think YOU are going to be JUST FINE!
Hugs and more hugs!!

Heather said...

Oh Lani. I wish I was there with you. (((hugs honey))) I am so sorry. You've got my love and prayers from across the world honey. And I'm the same as Kristine. My first one was a miscarriage early. So, the positive thinking you are doing is good.

I wish I could say more. I don't know what else to say, except sending you my love and thoughts.

Andrea said...

So sorry to hear that! Hope you feel better (from surgery & emotional). Miscarriages are more common than you think. I had my 1st miscarriage when I was on my 4th pregnancy (already had 3 kids) at 7wks at home. I didn't need surgery, and I actually got pregnant a week later w/ baby #4 (total surprise to us). All went well. Good Luck! Get some rest!

Shannon said...

Sending hugs Sweetie! My hearts aches for you! I admire your courage and positive attitude! More hugs!!!